why you dont take drinks from strangers...

We're off to Amritsar. Site of the golden temple, the massacre of 1,200 (closer to 2,000?) protesting british citizens during the time of Gandhi and the Pakistan border.

A six hour train ride awaits us.

I'm sitting in between the two train cars in the doorway so I can look out at the horizon and feel the breeze. Indian landscapes pass me by followed by my thoughts.

This sort of chubby, friendly looking guy about 50 years old with a beard and a turban comes up to me and asks if he can have my seat because sitting and facing one direction while the train goes the other way is making him and his wife sick.

Since I'm standing I say sure, why not? The guy is friendly and tells me he has traveled to America, Europe, other parts of Asia and he speaks english well. He asks me if I drink whisky and I'm like yeah sure and then he asks if I smoke and I'm "...like sheesha?" (tobacco in India) and then I make a gesture like a hookah and say "yeah"

He then says how he makes his own...I'm thinking, "own what? whisky?" but then he adds he doesn't use a hookah but rather a drink. Hmm...so you make a alcoholic drink with tobacco?interesting...he then says he'll give me some. Malright, some guy wants to give me some whisky for giving him a seat, seems cool.

I sit down as train food has arrived. I tell my friends this guy wants my seat and allow him to take my seat and then proceed back to doorway to watch India go by.

The guy comes back in a few minutes and pours me a cup of this stuff that looks and smells like green tea. I take a small sip to see how strong it is and I taste no alcohol and for some reason he grabs my cup and fills it up again and then tells me its powerful with a smile and I'm like whatever, and finish the cup. Again, I taste no alcohol, kind of spicy though...weird..he then chugs about 4x what I drank.

chitty chitty bhang bhang

I then ask him why no alcohol in some sort of jumbled sentence like sheesha? alcohol? and he goes, "oh yeah hashisha!"

and I go wait, what? HA-sheesha? I thoguht you said SHESHA and he goes yah! HA-Sheesha!"...

communication breakdown...

oh...so that had weed in it....I see...I thought you were giving me...damn it....that was a mistake...shit...I'm sure many people would welcome this as a good time but weed just makes my head spin out of control and I become overwhelmed with paranoia and my close friend anxiety...alright...well, I've been here before...

I hadn't smoked weed since February so my tolerance is incredibly low and this was some guy's homemade power brew so I was just like...this should be...interesting...

Try to be optimistic? Maybe I'll just have a great time? No. Not the case.

After about 30 minutes it kicked in and jesus I was stoned, my eyes were pure bloodshot and it felt like my face was melting off. After an hour or so hanging off the edge of the train and questioning reality I sat down and couldn't move due to a combination of paranoia and not being attached to my body.

I understand why this (paranoia/anxiety) happens to me, don't feel like getting into it, but whenever I smoke or injest THC in any form my understanding doesn't seem to help the issue. My mind just literally turns against me and every single ripple of thought becomes like a poison arrow shot through my skull and my chest.

I'm instantly reminded why I quit smoking pot. Everyone else I know says weed is an anti-anxiety medication for them so why I'm stuck with the opposite experience is...shitty..to say the least.

So I tried to avoid it and the universe insisted I take another taste for some reason I haven't grasped quite yet.

Anxiety, tension, I'm frozen with fear and this just fucking sucks. Its not going away anytime soon. I begin wondering if I triggered latent schizophrenia and I blast my ipod and meditate to drown out the competing voices in my head--I've learned to cope with these sorts of things better than you can ever imagine.

Subjectivity of sanity is a popular topic in this state of mind.

As I come down after six, seven hours I begin to feel heavy and more relaxed or less paranoid i should say since I'm still sorting through an internal mind fuck.

Before we arrive my friend Vivienne looks over at me and just goes, man you look high as shit! Her San Francisco background has left her with a good eye for these kind of things.

and I explain with a half fucked up grin on my face what exactly just happened. The fat man in the turban had passed out completely by this point. Talking helps. Staying inside your head blows. I loosen up, a lot.

My friends tell me that the dude gave me Bhang which is a legal drink in India made from fermented cannabis and occasionally some other hallucinogenic stuff like Datura, why anyone would casually ingest datura is beyond me. I don't know if it was my low tolerance, the paranoia or what but I felt like someone screwed the lid off my head and it was a bizarre experience to say the least. Not sure if it was more than weed but I wouldn't be surprised. I've heard of Bhang but I didn't even know it was a drink. Something to keep note of for future references...

We get to Amritsar and head to the golden temple via rickshaw. New place. My perception feels fresh and not just because of the drugs. Its weird, I've noticed this in every place I've gone to when I first arrive. It feels like I've walked onto a movie set or something. The place, wherever it is, feels surreal because before, your mind was caught within a pattern and mechanized way of seeing things and then all of the sudden you change environments and your perception is temporary freed and everything is new. The routine is broken and the experience is fresh goo. feelsweirdbadgoodman...

The temple is very cool. its a community and like a city, not just a temple. The whole area is wet and marbled with chanting echoing throughout the complex and people sleeping every which way. No shoes allowed.

Two very tall Sikhs with long beards and robes approach me wielding spears and daggers in sheaths and question me on the contents of my bag (standard procedure I suppose) and proceed to ask me if I have any cigarettes or drugs on my person--Jesus christ give me a break man, did you have to ask me this of all 8 people in the group? I suppose I look a little suspicious...

I think my paranoia level just tripled in a matter of 5 seconds. Surfacing bad memories of being stoned in public places back in the day. I need to lay the fuck down and get some space asap!

they were cool tho and we had no problem. I like the sikhs a lot.

The golden temple sits abut 50 yards outward in the middle of a pond. Its called the golden temple because there's a giant dome on top of it made of solid gold and the painting of the sides are all gold. its very beautiful and totally stunning. You can bathe in the pond surrounding the temple and there are big fish everywhere. Very similar to the sikh temple in Delhi in several ways. I heard Obama is coming here relatively soon, idk for sure tho...

This place had a very holy vibe to it and it felt, once more, like going back in time.

The contents of your mind may have shifted.

You can stay at the temple for free in these communal rooms which we did for the first night and it was a very cool experience. Something like 15 people from probably 7 different groups sleep in the same room together on cots that pretty much touch each. I almost rolled over an asian man in the middle of the night. Probably could have been a little awkward...

We pass out and during the night multiple people just keep yelling. I will never know why as I was in a strange place due to the deprivation of sleep and stress from the bhang experience.

Wake up and we go to the dining hall where we pick up a steel tray and eat sitting on the floor with about 300 other sikhs. interesting. The food and board is free. We provide a donation to express our gratitude. you pick up a metal tray and these dudes in long beards and robes come by with slop buckets and toss decently good food on your plate really quickly. They serve food the entire day as this is the number one place of the sikh pilgrimage so people, lots of them, are always stopping by.

We head to the site of the massacre after some more food. Some what hallowing. something like 2,000 men, women and children we're gunned down here. There are bullet holes still present in some of the structures there. Intensity. I fall asleep in the grass and deny pictures to everyone who asks.

stay away...stay away...

We make our way to a cab we booked and its off one hour to the India/Pakistan border to watch the changing of the guards which is a bizarre spectacle with techno music and a pep ralley like atmosphere. I wanted to cross the border over into Pakistan but we didn't have the time and technically you aren't allowed to while on an SIT program but this is something I may get the chance to do after the program ends I hope.

I was somewhat interested in going to the middle east before this program (but it was lower on the list behind places like Africa, South America, Indonesia...) but after seeing Pakistan I want to go, like really want to go. There is something about these places (India, Pakistan and so on) that strike this romanticized adventurous wild magical theme in my head (and I'm sure many other people can relate to this as well). The reality of India was never anything I had to painfully adjust to. I feel like mentally I couldn't have had a better idea of what this was going to be like. Obviously the experience melts the expectations but I had a clear picture of things going in.

Anyway, being on the train in India and watching a full blood red sun set over what looks like but probably aren't, rice fields, while women in traditional garb work the fields with cone shaped huts scattered around is just...awesome...Nothing really compares to that. The Taj Mahal is from one of Jupiter's moons but the flux on a train can't be beaten. I could sit on the trains forever and never get bored just hanging out the door and feeling the breeze watching things go by...goodbye...

Pakistan holds this feeling in my head after watching a full red sun set over a marble islamic arch way with a painting of jinnah placed on top. Its pretty powerful. Its like...there's adventure, Jerry, look at it. But you have to wait and study. Frustation.

We don't need no education...

So back to the changing of the guards ceremony, lots of yelling and chanting and attempts to one up the Pakistani crowd. Probably 2,000 people on each side with guards from both countries doing insane marches as they change servicemen. Over the top is an understatement. They do this shit everyday, twice a day. how and why remains a mystery to me. See it if you get the chance. They blast techno dance music and everyone treats this thing like an athletic competition.

There's a good article by Time Magazine on it if you want to read more about it. I just wrote a brief paper on it and don't feel like getting into more detail. Google: Pakistan India changing of the guards Time Magazine.

Wake up and catch the train back to Delhi.

I'm sitting and talking with my friend louisa on the way back home in between the cars again and this bald guy with gapped teeth comes up smiling to us selling tea on the train and won't stop grabbing my cheecks and laughing. He does this like 15 times to me so I grab his cheeks and I'm like, "yeah, see thats annoying!" but he just laughs, grabs my cheek again and hops onto the train stopped next to me. Alright, man, don't worry about coming back...

Also, before I got on the train, some guy picks his little kid up and walks him over to me and the kid kisses me on the cheek. Please don't ask me if thats okay, just feel free to take liberty with my face.

I don't have a soul so this makes me uncomfortable

Male relations are more cuddly, i guess, here than in the states. Two guys walking down the street holding hands with their fingers laced or with their arms around here is not seen as a gay or weird, its just something friends do. still, that guy didn't need to keep grabbing my face...

Personal space boundaries change when you change borders.

Sitting on the train I look out and my sublime hat flies in the wind. I had a feeling that was coming. I learn to tie my hair like a japanese samurai so its all good. The gods rejoice and peace is restored.

Anyway. So long whiles way into the train its dark now and we're getting close to delhi. There are some poor towns on the way back with their buildings literally 7 feet from the tracks. its crazy, man. I'm looking into people's homes and people sleep close enough to the tracks i could jump into their living room. Poverty sucks for a number of reasons and that isn't even the half of it.

We cross under a bridge, not going as fast now. There are two kids walking. One of them starts running and jumps onto the train and is hanging off the doorway I'm standing on about two feet from the ground below. He isn't in the train, only his torso while he's standing on a steel bar below i presume.

I'm listening to my ipod and I'm just like what the hell is this kid doing and I just stare at him. Then this fucking kid lunges at me and rips my headphones from me and they come clean off my ipod. The headphones were fortunately only 30 bucks...

I don't even react. I just look at him like, really? You just did that? More confused and shocked than anything else.

The weirdest thing was he did the same thing. He didn't do anything either. Just stared back at me holding my headphones. I think he expected to get my ipod but just got the cheap headphones and was thinking of what to do next.

Then I realize, hey! Those are my fucking headphones, what the fuck! I jump at him (he's still hanging off the ledge, not totally in or out) and I grab his arm to yank him into the car to do whatever I need to do to get my headphones back and he panics and tosses the headphones back at me and I let go off him and get my headphones back. Just as I let go off him he leaps off the train (we're not going slow by the way) and I yell some profanities at him as I watch him eat shit and roll on what looks like train track stones in the distance.

I was pissed off this kid tried this so I didn't really feel much compassion for him. But I suppose I hope he's alright.

Asshole move though...

Bad karma on my part? perhaps not totally...

I get home. Time to get some sleep.

Monday. Time to visit the toilet museum! seriously. After the guided tour I tell Louisa that if i met our creepily over enthusiastic toilet tour guide in public my inclination would be that he works in a toilet museum.

Thomas Crapper didn't invent anything by the way. He "refined"the flush model. See I learned something....

I had a shitty time.....

seriously though, don't go to the toilet museum, you won't miss anything. It wasn't an optional trip so I'll ponder the good with the bad and take refugee in my functioning legs for the time being.

Appreciate what you have and don't take drinks from strangers. If you do realize you buy the ticket, you take the ride my friend.

We go on excursion this upcoming week to something like 6 different places including Bodh Gaya where Buddha achieved enlightenment under the bodhi tree. Should be illuminating...

if i make it i'll see you on the other side...if not...cyclic confusion will give me a tail to chase and that's just...entertaining...for us all...right?