Academic Apathy

Every semester I start off saying I'm going to work hard and actually apply myself this time around. This lasts at most two days, if that. At the end of every semester I find myself doing just enough to get by with decent grades. Work as little as possible to achieve good grades...Its like trying to push that extra rep in while bench pressing and your arching your back and titling the hell out of the bar. Half-assed approach to meet a quota.

This is common. I've heard other people say the same thing as well about planning to try and failing to live up to their own expectations.

I've taken enough classes at this point to draw some conclusions about my interest, or lack their of, in the academic world. I can't academically apply myself to my full potential.

I'm finally coming to understand how much I truly hate school. I really don't care about the majority of things discussed in the classroom and even when I do, its an epic struggle to complete the readings and write my thoughts down in a formal style. I don't like formality in my writing if you haven't noticed.

I don't know if this has to do with anxiety, emotional problems (both of which certainly play a role in this) or just really not giving a shit about books and paper.

I can't sit still in class. I hate doing academic reading. I hate listening to other people attempt to sound smart and school does nothing but stress me out. can't. hate. hate. stress. anxiety. tension. more hate.

How I've managed to finish two years of college at this point astounds me.

*break for class*

We briefly discuss a person our professor knows who became a sadhu for 15 years when he originally went simply to study them. twisted Ideas slip through the cracks of my decrepit mind.

We then share stories of people we know who went off the deep end and joined cults.

One girl's parents were in a cult right when she was born but then got out of it and religion for good.

After hearing a few of these stories I work up the courage to admit I used to be a catholic.

I take the bus to and from school. I learned today that I'm the only person in the history of the SIT program in Delhi to do this. Ego trip, word up.

Round trip from the program center to my house is 20 rupees (40 cents). Some people who live father away in places such as lagpat nagar (no way i spelled that right..) pay 100 repees EACH way. so they are dropping like 5 bucks a day while im letting go of 40 cents. God I'm awesome. There was a fight on my bus this morning. Some lady took a swing at the money collector on the bus and the two screamed at each other in Hindi for a while. feelshilariousman.

I leave you with some system of a down lyrics to contemplate.

Education, fornication, in you are go
Education subjugation, now you're out go
Education fornication, in you are go
Don't be late for school again boy
I think me, I want life
I think me, I want a house and a wife
I want to shimmy-shimmy-shimmy
through the break of dawn yeah
Education, fornication, in you are go
Education subjugation, now you're out go
Education fornication, in you are go
Don't be late for school again girl
I think me, I want life
I think me, I want a house and a wife
I want to shimmy-shimmy-shimmy
through the break of dawn yeah
I think me, I want life
I think me, I want a house and a wife
I want to shimmy-shimmy-shimmy
through the break of dawn yeah
Indoctrination of a nation
Indoctrination of a nation
Subjugation of damnation
Subjugation of damna-
Don't be late for school again boy
Don't be late for school again girl
Don't be late for school again boy

Don't be late for school again girl go