"Each person is at each moment capable of remembering all that has ever happened to him and of perceiving everything that is happening everywhere in the universe. The function of the brain and nervous system is to protect us from being overwhelmed and confused by this mass of largely useless and irrelevant knowledge, by shutting out most of what we should otherwise perceive or remember at any moment, and leaving only that very small and special selection which is likely to be practically useful. According to such a theory, each one of us is potentially Mind at Large."
This is something I have been trying to figure out for quite sometime. Buddha suggested that all one has to do in order to achieve enlightenment (of which the mind at large is a fragment of) is to let go and exist forever in the present moment.
However, I have found this to be difficult beyond belief...
After class I wandered through Lodi Gardens which have some ruins and are very beautiful and serene. On my way through the gardens I lit a cigarette, not being a big smoker I got hit with a decently strong buzz from the Indian nicotine. And as I was walking I instantly felt better (not that I was feeling bad) but with the buzz I felt a stronger sense of wholeness and completeness on the inside. not wanting to become to make a habit out of smoking I started analyzing the situation as I was walking, wondering to myself, what is it about something such as a cigarette that I'm attracted to. In short, I was looking to see what the cause behind my actions was rather than merely acting.
A moment of clarity shined through and I realized why i like cigarettes, or alcohol, or being around people, or traveling, or really just doing anything. Looking at myself I realized that I am constantly attempting to escape being in the moment and I perpetually achieve this by allowing my mind to grab onto something external of me.
To put this better, my greatest fear it would seem is experiencing the feeling of the moment without having anything to cling onto. Anxiety and uncomfortable emotions seem to take over when i try. Just experiencing myself fully for what I am without having anything to be attached to is in a way, terrifying. I realized as I caught my buzz that I am endlessly attempting to run from my own feelings, my own perceptions and my own existence, constantly feeling as if i need something "more" than what is inside me to be complete.
If I'm not clinging to something like alcohol, than its people, if not people, than im "going somewhere" to experience "something" (other than me) and if I'm not going anywhere I'll go to the computer and music tends to be something my mind clings to in all of these situations. God how i love my ipod....
Root of suffering is attachment according to Buddhist teaching. Cessation of craving is freedom from suffering. Peace of mind, the point of being born, imo.
The truth of my own nature continues to escape me and everywhere I look I'm attempting to flee that part inside of me due to the constant sub-conscious fear that it I am inadequate. However, as anyone who has been around the block enough times will tell you all externally derived pleasure and fulfillment (money, fame, status, sex, wealth, drugs, relationships, food, other people, society...everything...) will never last...It'll all fill you up and then soon you will be empty chasing the filler once more. Even if you have all of it all the time. You die and then its gone and not only is "it" gone, but YOU are gone as well! The denial of this problem, or the ignorance of it, is our core problem.
Observing the moment and realizing that no matter what is occurring outside of you, whether it be suffering or pleasure, it too will pass....all that remains is that place that sits eternally behind the thoughts (or so im told)...
Ask yourself, "who is it that is thinking these thoughts?" if you ask it enough you will find it is blank awareness. Void of definition. Warning: You may then feel empty and attempt to define yourself by fleeting emotions and perceptual memories that, in time, will be gone. What will be left?!
Feeling you need something outside of yourself, in my opinion, is the result of not being able to confront that part of yourself that feels incomplete...
"when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you" said Nietzsche...
I suggest you take a look and tell me what you find
the state of non-self is liberation.
Epiphany indeed...nice. Today at my Noon Meeting we talked all about surrendering, surrender. Ya gotta surrender to the unknown in order to know. Btw, that Abyss is also mighty sexy (attractive) too, eh?
ReplyDeleteCheck out the mandukya upanishad. It echoes what you are finding in Buddhism in terms of the holistic nature of consciousness and attainable state of pure consciousness, where you experience all time and existence... this may be what your Professor was alluding to. One tenant of this Hindu creation myth is that the images (not necessarily visual) you're faced with in deep sleep are part of the phenomenal world,and can be used to create a dialogue between the minds fragments.... it's about shifting body maps and developing new perspective.
ReplyDeletekeep smoking?
I have been having this same realization.... and battling with my enjoyment of worldly physical pleasures, all you listed. A voice in my head says it's okay to enjoy things like wine, food, sex... in respectful and moderate ways, but how do you seek detachment while enjoying these external experiences? There is always some degree of attachment and escape. One exercise that has helped me is letting of of the love I feel connected to specific, people, activities, etc, and practicing letting that love shift to a universal love of everything and everyone that lacks attachment. Sometimes when I struggle with spiritual practice v. indulging I feel so spoiled, for example what would those starving beggars with backwards feet think of an American white girl in her cozy NYC apartment worrying that her love of wining and dining and festivals is inhibiting my spiritual practice? They would probably tell me to shut the fuck up and enjoy it. It must give an entirely new perspective on practicing detachment being in India around such poverty and suffering.
ReplyDeleteyou're done with your desires when you're done with desires said ram dass...
ReplyDeletethe idea is not to beat yourself up and take compassion towards yourself..also just because you're not poor doesn't mean you don't suffering. suffering is everywhere.
hmm i see what you're saying about sleep. i always felt like dreams (amongst other things) bridge the gap between the conscious and unconscious mind where regions typically shut off from one another are open to communication...
That's literally what the upanishad says... it's the first text to separate the mind into parts, when a dialogue is reached between them pure consciousness can be attained
ReplyDelete