You're either on the bus or you're...still on the bus...

I'm going from Delhi to Kushinagar (site of Buddha's death) by bus b.c. everything else is booked. I will go from Delhi to Lucknow (1 bus) to Gorahakpur (a different bus) to Kushinagar (yet another different bus). Let's hope this works...adventure time..

I wake up late and hung over at 8:30. Catch a cab to North East Delhi from my hostel in Connaught Place. Drops me off at Kashmere Gate bus station. I take a Delhi transit bus to Anand Vihar. I walk up and ask some random guy for the bus to Lucknow. He points me in the direction and I hop on board. The bus is a piece of shit but I get a good seat up front and its actually really comfortable and not too packed. Alright, 475 clicks to go until Lucknow...How long could this take? 10 hours total?....hah..no..

The rules of the road or rather the lack there of can be overwhelming. I learned to "let go"really quickly but I'm still trying to figure out how we avoided what should have been 120 head on collisions...like seriously, not over-exagerrating, we were playing chicken with buses, trucks, tractors, motorcycles, and even dump trucks...A couple extremely close calls. There is order, however, its just enveloped in chaos. I understand taxi drivers in New York now...If you complain about my driving back home...you shouldn't...

3-4 hours into the trip we pass a bus that is flipped entirely upside down wheels up in the air, on the side of the road...I think that slowed my driver down a little bit...Not for long though...

I pass a man riding an elephant in delhi. Terrified monkeys playing to close to the traffic. A mongoose skitters across the road. Dogs who got too close to the zipping cars have left their bodies behind....A dead cow...moo...

No bathroom on our god forsaken bus. We pull over several times for urination and snacks. My fly is broken from the night before (not sure how that happened...I need to...never mind...) so it works out well because I can now save energy by not having to unzip my pants and just walk around with my boxers hanging out of my crouch. However, its cool because I saw this dude who worked on the bus whose pants were so tight he didn't button or zip them so fuck it. I fit in. I pull my shirt over my pants when I can...

Its late. I've been on the bus for like 12 hours now. I think its midnight. We pull over in the middle of nowhere in a Uttah Pradesh town for chi and snacks. The bus drivers signal for me to join them. They speak no English but I've been sitting with them for 12 hours so yeah...We sit down at this picnic table, me and these 4 dudes, and consume chi and these sweet little donut things while a garbage fire four feet away from us blows smoke in our direction. Cows and dogs munch on it while we enjoy our donuts. They buy me some chi and I feel very much with them, if that makes any sense...unspoken bonds...This is surreal. I can't explain it. But man, I am in the third world right now, woah. I'll leave it at that.

At around 1 in the morning I move up to the front of the bus and ride sitting on what is pretty much the dashboard of the bus directly shotgun to the driver. There is a cushion here so its cool. I feel like I'm on a boat sailing as we swerve and dodge other cars...people, large hoofed animals...Lights aren't that great here. I see two lights that I think are two motorcycles, turns out to be a massive tour bus...Couldn't tell until it was like 10 feet away...Could the driver?

We slam on the horn and aggressively pass a police jeep on the wrong side of the road--no problem.

The other bus driver (they take turns driving) is chilling next to me wrapped in a blanket and decides to share it with me and then gives it to me. Thank you. The drivers don't pull over to exchange the wheel, they just hop out of the seat while the bus is still moving...Looks safer than it sounds but still...People ride on the roof of some of the buses we pass...looks as dangerous as it sounds...

We arrive in a dead lucknow at 2 in the morning. How many hours was that? Too long...

Onwards to Gorahakpur. I find the bus quickly and we're off. I pass out in the front seat. Only 7 other people on the bus with me. This dude has a stereo system and blasts 60s and 70s Indian sitar music...I sleep regardless. I wake up around 5 in the morning...Less than 3 hours of sleep...We stop for a piss and tea. People sell things to us by coming onto the bus and yelling what they have. One guy brings chi. The driver and I buy a cup. The driver offers me a pakistani cigarette and I accept. He thinks the chi sucks and takes me outside with him and shows me where to buy a good cup of chi. Its cold and the sun hasn't come up. I'm shaking due to exhaustion, nicotine, caffein, and the chilly cold weather...I've gotten no sleep and I'm freezing praying for the sun to come up to warm me...feels like moes all over again...

We get back on the bus. I watch the sun rise. I have never seen a more perfect sun. The hazy fog of India combined with the exhaust pollution covers the sun enough for you to look straight into it without the slightest irritation. Its utterly perfect. It looks surreal. Like a red cue ball or something. I can't explain it. We drive into the blood red sun blasting Indian classical music while cows, dogs, and the crippled homeless wander the street looking for food in burning garbage piles. The hell am I doing here?...Running through my head being pulled down, out and up again...Waiting in the moment for..I don't know, honestly...

I see a dog that looks like he lost a round of russian roulette. A chunk of his skull is missing exposing his brain and he is still walking, although, he is limping, holding one leg up unable to place it on the ground. Its sad.

...Two hours later...

Palm trees are covered in musty grey from the kicked up road dirt. Market place with hundreds below the bridge shop for vegetables while stray animals feast off the remains...Beautiful rivers...Dirty rivers...Unsafe bridges...A man, presumably a soldier, zips in and out of cars aggressively on a motorcycle with an Ak-47 slung over his shoulder with blanket/pancho thing going on. Poverty. Huts. People trying to stay warm with makeshift fires. Toasty. Frosty. Sickly. Armless. Legless. Homeless. Less and Less. They told me less was more. I don't know, man. I see the Mcdonalds arches like back in America...weird, man.

I see a couple thousand people dressed in a rainbow of colors bathing in a river off of a crumbling ghat surrounded by ancient temples...woah....like, woah....look at that...holy shit...I've never seen anything like this, even in Varnassi...Where am I? I'm getting into this deep...We drive through jungle and forest...Monkeys, camels, and moongooses...even deeper...unknown...abyss...

...I've been riding a bus now for nearly 24 hours...No food other than some small snacks and three hours of sleep...Wired awake...Bassnectar...Sailing....

I change seats and sit down next a man who is 25 years old and we begin talking. He is a software tech designer and has been to America for a month's time for work. He visited: New York, Chicago, Kansas, Miami, and some other place I forgot. He's an interesting guy and really intelligent. We discuss geopolitics, global economics, religion, 9/11 conspiracy theories, the Indian political sphere, and the varying levels of contrast between American and India for three hours. I learn a thing or two. We exchange numbers. He lives in Delhi. I'm going to chill with him when I come back. Relate our perspectives and such...

We arrive in Gorahakpur at 11. I board another bus to Kushinagar. The bus gets packed. I'm stuck all the way in the back in a 4 seat area and there are 5 of us. I have to keep my big trekking bag on my lap for the next two and a half hours. I pass out. We make it there.

Twenty six hours of straight bus riding non-stop with no meal and little sleep...I did it. I've gone something like 600 clicks for under ten dollars.

This place is small. I see the whole town in three hours. I sit where Buddha died. Monks from everywhere fill the sites. I walk inside the Nirvana Temple and there is a massive 20 some foot long statue of Buddha peacefully lying down as he slips into death and parinirvana. Seven monks sit down in front of the statue and do this real intense rhythmic chanting for 15 minutes. I sit on the other side of the shrine and just exist while I feel out a lot of interesting things...I don't know, I haven't figured it out yet.

This place is very quiet compared to the rest of India. I take a bike rickshaw to a stuppa where supposedly (but probably not) some of the Buddha's remains are. Its really quiet and still--both the ride there and the site itself--I sit down underneath a tree after circling the stuppa and talk out loud to myself for 20-25 minutes....I've been awake for 30 hours straight now after being stuck in a Indian bus with no food...I feel better. Well, not really, but maybe...just know you'll get there, right....

I get food for the first time since Thursday night...It is Saturday around 5 p.m...I eat french toast, egg fried rice (enough for like 4 people) and some tanda pani (cold water) for under two dollars.

The poverty here is eating at me...I think the lack of sleep has something to do with it too but when I was in the temple I sat down on the steps and these dudes come up to me and are really desperate just to speak English with me. They don't have jobs but you can tell they aren't bums...I don't know, poverty is fucked. People have shit. Their situation sucks and its difficult to be around all the time..eh...

I see buildings that are literally missing the second half as if a cruise missile blasted off the front of it or something. People just chillin out next to it reading a newspaper. Selling beetlejuice tobacco and water for 10-15 rupees a pop (20 cents?)...Naked kids washing themselves off in a stagnant insect infested water...swatting away the tenacious duck weed...The second richest man in the world is an Indian in Mumbai who just built a 27 billion dollar flat with three helipads and a 120 car garage.

I watch a man beg for change while rolling around on this wooden block with wobbly wheels that reminds me of something we used to play on in 6th grade gym class, anyone else remember those?

I haven't showered or brushed my teeth since Thursday. I'm covered in dirt, sweat, and grime from the wondrous public transit of India. I smell.

I head back to the holy city of Varanasi in two days to re-visit neighboring Sarnath where the Buddha gave his first sermon setting the Dharma Chakra in motion.

My return train to Delhi leaves on November 27th from Rajgir which is next to Bodh Gaya in the impoverished state of Bihar. It arrives on November 29th. That is because it is a 48 hour train ride.

I need to sleep now. Goodnight.

"You wired me awake

And hit me with a hand of broken nails

You tied my lead and pulled my chain

To watch my blood begin to boil

But I'm gonna break
I'm gonna break my
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run

Too cold to start a fire
I'm burning diesel burning dinosaur bones
I'll take the river down to still water
And ride a pack of dogs

I'm gonna break
I'm gonna break my
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run

Hits like a Phillips head into my brain
It's gonna be too dark to sleep again
Cutting my teeth on bars and rusty chains
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run

When the forest burns along the road
Like God's eyes in my headlights
When the dogs are looking for their bones
And it's raining icepicks on your steel shore

I'm gonna break
I'm gonna break my
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run"

~Rusty Cage/Soundgarden