I Meditate with Yogi Mike under a Full Moon

"The wretched are the wounded

The hungry starve to death
In a place where no-one goes
The air itself is a final breath

So discontinue
The antiseptic care charade
As a cry of justice comes
A malignant fire fades

I am the reason your future suffers
I am the hatred you won't embrace
I am the worm of a pure gestation
I am the remedy, spit in my face

All your laws and rules are outdated
All your subjects are killing the kings
I can rattle off a million other reasons why
But does it matter when the only thing we love will die?

We have made the presence obsolete
What do you want?
What do you need?
We'll find a way
When All Hope Is Gone

We've seen the fall of the elite
Bury your life
Take your disease
We'll end the world
When All Hope Is Gone"

-All Hope is Gone by Slipknot

I was listening to this song ^ when I woke up. So I'm posting it here as my intro. I was feeling negative this morning and this turned out to be one of my best days in India...if not ever...so cool...read on..

I went to the Mahabodhi temple last night like I said.

Earlier, when I left before it was dark, I passed this monk who I recognized from the last time I was here in October during my group trip here. The monk was a large, tall, white man with a foot and a half white beard to match his elegant white robes with his hair knotted up in a ball much like how I wear mine. We briefly made eye contact and I continued walking. Last time I saw him I thought he looked cool. He stands out because of his hair and beard and the fact he isn't Asian.

So when I came back for the second time that day when it was dark he was still there. He sits in the same spot every time, about 25 yards away from where the Buddha achieved enlightenment under the tree with his back against the temple. I wanted to go over and talk to him but I was too afraid to approach him. When I was speaking to the monk Louis earlier that day, a man came up to us and attempted to shake his hand saying, "hello" in a very friendly way. Louis, in a very confrontational tone told him to "go away! I don't shake hands!" (he told me he didn't shake hands when I reached my hand out to him earlier but he was very polite and said part of his practice was not shaking hands)...So I had this image in my head of him pushing the guy away and I didn't want this to happen to me and the Gandolf looking monk...This guy has a real intense presence to him, other people noticed it as well as some came up and touched and bowed at his feet.

I thought about it for a good twenty minutes and figured it wasn't the right time and walked away. I thought to myself, "I desperately need to find someone who understands these upper level Buddhist philosophical teachings...but is also western and can talk to me about them...So I thought to myself, I need to find someone who knows the protocol on approaching monks...

The next day:

I wake up and think about planning my day...I decide its pointless to think about the future since literally anything could happen. Be here now...How right I was about that...I walk down the street to get more chocolate pancakes..mmm chocolate pancakes...side note: I just learned how to spell "chocolate", took me nearly 21 years but I've finally done it...carry on...

So I get to the main road and all of the sudden a motorcycle pulls up to me. And wouldn't you believe it, its the kid I met yesterday who drove me to the temple (Sunil) and he has an American from Florida named Matt on the back. I hop on and go to breakfast with them...See, you can't predict anything...Chance, whatever that means...

So we go this restaurant (I still haven't learned how to spell restaurant...) and it turns out Matt is a Buddhist slash NGO environmentalist slash Northwestern graduate...Interesting...He tells me he's going to become a monk for sure and has been living in India for a year now working on environmental protection. He had been living in New Delhi for the past 8 months. However, he met Sunil, the 18 year old biker/tour guide kid, 3 years ago and the two of them are great friends and you can tell, they're like brothers and laugh deeply about tons of different stuff. He is also apparently helping Sunil out by funding him for college.

We talk about a lot of stuff and right off the bat we kind of dive into deep stuff, spirituality, personal history, personal issues, philosophy, India, being a monk...Its real cool and I crack open my head to some interesting places...He notices the restaurant spoons are covered in this crust and asks for new ones. I say, "well, its India, there is a mouse right there running across the counter where all the bottled drinks are" and he looks over and watches a tiny little mouse scurry by and laughs. I've seen a lot of mice here for some reason. I only see rats at the train station. Matts been here for a year and is coming home relatively soon he told me.

We go next door to this little hut like cafe called "be happy" that has warm blue paint on the walls run by a Canadian woman with a big smile and piercing blue eyes. I get the best tea I've had in India. We talk more and I ask Matt if he knows the monk I described earlier and how best to approach him. He immediately knows who I'm talking about and while making a motion as if he has a long beard goes, oh yeah, "Yogi Mike" he's from California, he'll talk to anyone, just go up and ask him to tell you about "the nature of the mind" and he'll love to talk to you, he's very friendly..."

Matt has to go take care of some paper work for an environmentalist talk and leaves me with Sunil who is going to take me up into the small foothill mountains that are near Bodh Gaya where the Buddha spent time practicing mortification of the flesh before realizing it sucked and isn't worth it. Then, the Buddha comes down to Bodh Gaya, receives some milk rice and realizes that the middle way (neither sensory indulgence, neither sensory mortification) is the path and becomes enlightened under the Bodhi tree after six weeks of contemplation. Before he left, Matt gave me a run down on a hell of a lot of stuff and one thing stood out to me as he looked at me with a sort of calm intensity and said, "You don't have to kill yourself to be enlightened" in reference to the Buddha coming down from the cave...That stuck with me for a while and I found myself repeating it for a good while. Matt picks up the bill for tea. He was one of those people that you meet and he makes you want to be a better person, the pilgrims from Nepal/Chili I met earlier are in that category as well. People with a open heart, pure intentions, and good souls. They make me look at myself and realize I have a long way to go...But, I also feel like I'm on the right path when I meet these people...I'm being drawn in the right direction towards good people...That must mean I'm doing something right...

It was funny. I'm anxious, paranoid, and angst ridden around people, regardless of who they are, I've found myself feeling this way talking to homeless people who can't speak english...and those who do speak english...even family I've known my whole life...It really has less to do with people than it does so much with what kind of psycho/emotional/neurotic response my nervous system triggers when I get around others. Truthfully, I'm sort of in a variation of this paranoid fear driven state 24/7. However, when I get around people, it exacerbates unfortunately. I'm not anti-social. I love people. But right now its a pain in the ass. Anyway, its funny because Matt, I guess, could tell, and in attempts to reassure me says, "Don't worry, I have no judgement in me what so ever, I have no judgment against anyone" and puts his hands up giving me a kind smile.

I tell him, "believe me I can tell I'm just generally paranoid and angsty around people, so don't take it personal as if I don't trust you."

He laughs. I do too, in a sort of twisted way. We talk more, about a lot of stuff. I loosen up and am really enjoying the conversation. I learn. He bails, time to go. To the caves...

I get on the back of Sunil's bike and we drive out of Bodh Gaya towards the mountain. We go through a village that fits the stereotypical image of what you think of when you hear the term village life...It's wild...Really wild, really poor, and really the other side of the world..Clay one room huts with straw roofs, pigs, chickens, dogs, cows, naked kids, fields, palm trees, dust, muddy puddles...I don't know, I can't describe it but its an experience that will stay with me for the rest of my life without question. You can't get much more real than that.

We drive through a sandy river splashing water everywhere and come out onto the river's shore and grind our way through 100 yards of deep sand with his motorcycle. We get to a real road finally and begin the short climb up the mountain. We get off and begin walking to the small Tibetan temple tucked in the mountain's nook. We're walking up the path and he says, "monkeys". I look around and see a bunch of crazy looking monkeys that are a different species than what I'm used to. They're grey with small black faces and long black tails. They're also much bigger than what I'm used to. I wasn't pay attention and all of the sudden realize there was one about two feet in front of me staring at me with beady little black eyes. Creepy. I'm not a fan of monkeys...

We walk up to the temple and step inside a door that looks like it was made solely for leprechauns and midgets. We sit down. There is a statue of the iconic image of a starved, emaciated, and skeletal Buddha. It's a disturbing depiction but I like it. Its warm in here, incense is burning along with candles and its dead silent. Matt told me its a place known for spiritual presence, even before the Buddha came there which is partially what drew him here...I see why...Quiet beyond quiet...I can hear the candle flicker. The awareness of my heart beating and blood pumping dominates my sensory experiences above all else. I'm hyper attuned to my internal state since the outside world is at a pure stand still, except for the drifting of incense smoke and an occasional shutter of the candle flames...Its so quiet in here my ears are ringing...wake up...wake up...time to wake up...get it now?.....I sit for twelve minutes or so and leave. Kids throw stones at the monkeys as we walk back down while people want me to buy things from and for them...

We drive through the jungle village and I see three dogs trotting and they all of the sudden jump another dog and begin to viciously attack him, sinking their jaws into his neck while all them bark..The one being attacked sounds more like it's screaming...Other dogs join in on the attack...I wonder why this is happening here and everywhere else in the world...Cooperation, nullified....Random acts of violence. Infliction of pain. Suffering. Torment. Sharp. Flesh. Rip. Tear. Blood. Devil. Demon. Snarl. Gore...The collective mind...groupthink...words bring you to places of your own...everyone sees it differently...individual experiences attached to the organization of letters send neurons...synapses occur, images flash, feelings rise, pupils expand, wicked thoughts appear, you grab all of this and become it. You speak it. You know it. You live it. The room gets smaller if you tune in enough. Words are drugs. Books are dealers. Authors are chemists. Read and escape where all this boring...or horrific...bullshit doesn't exist...Fairytales...

...adventures in far away places where the everyday reality of worry & toil doesn't exist. Peacocks, tigers, and majestic palaces filled with exotic, half-nude belly dancers basking near the marble reflecting pool. They lounge and sprawl over you as you puff from the hookah stacked with the finest Afghani hashish and opium. The sun shines through the netted windows and hits the mid-air dust, creating a heavenly slow haze...

For the record I had no purpose in writing that ^ I just like to fantasize and fill my head with descriptive words even when its pointless. I apologize if you read it thinking there was something behind it. sorry.

Sunil takes me to the spot where the Buddha received milk rice which saved his life and allowed for him to find the truth. On the way to that spot he stopped at a massive banyan tree which I climbed half-way. I could have gone all the way to the top which probably would have been like 70-100 feet but I stopped for whatever reason.

We then head to the giant 64 foot statue of Buddha. Its pretty awesome. Its just what it is--a large Buddha statue--no significance other than that but its visually stunning. I then go to the Japanese and Tibetan temples next door. I sit down to put my shoes on after going inside and all of the sudden I'm bum rushed by 7-8 Indian guys who want their picture taken with me. This happens everywhere in India--you learn patience.

However, the hilarious thing was this one dude just jumps in between my legs like he was my girlfriend or something and rubs his back into my crotch and places his arms over my legs in a real intimate way. I'm just like, "NO!" while laughing real loud, recoiling, and pushing him off so he is just sitting near me, not...inside me...cultural miscommunication to say the least...I think at this stage in the game close to 50 different Indian people have photos of me...I'm going to be famous before I leave here...On every bill board looking half-confused, half-angry, and half-grinning...because, you know, there are 3 halves to a whole...

We go to a few more temples and then we get some chi. Sunil pays for the chi...thank you...He drops me off at the Mahabodhi temple and I go in anticipating a conversation with Yogi Mike...

I go into the temple and Yogi Mike is in the same place he always is. After two minutes I figure I might as well go over. I ask if I can sit down and talk to him and he's really friendly. I'm visibly very nervous and uncomfortable but I can tell right away he's a real accepting and relaxed person...how could he not be?

I tell him a little about me, SIT, my project and such and ask him about the significance of this place connected to the nature of mind. He seems like a pretty normal guy personality wise. If you gave him a tie dye shirt and shorts he would be a total hippie. He has a California hippie toned down, chilled out, sort of low accent..."you know, like, yeah, man?"

He tells me this place obviously has a very charged up spiritual presence behind it, 1,000 monks have been enlightened here...The idea is that just being in this place is like experiencing a blessing. We talk about the nature of mind philosophy for a good 25-30 minutes with other things intertwined into the conversation. Very interesting. Intellectually I was on the same level as him. However, the purpose of this talk isn't to intellectually run in circles, its to transcend words and experience what we're discussing. That I'm sure, he was miles ahead of me on. However, he came off as very down to Earth in the discussion which I really enjoyed. I also didn't feel like I was talking "up" to someone. His style I gather isn't one of some wise man who sits in isolation and speaks in enigmatic riddles. Rather, he is open and happy to talk to people on an equal level like Matt told me.

He talked about how people experience the bliss, the now, the truth, (whatever you want to call it) doing certain things like surfing (funny he mentioned that, totally from Cali), being in nature, and things of that sort but because they have never heard the word of the truth or the teaching, that experience of being at one with the world is almost meaningless. This is the difference between experience and realization. Experience is fleeting. Realization is stable, it grows, and is like the new to full moon he put it. Its the same moon to start out with but as you slowly start to realize the truth it becomes gradually fully illuminated without losing anything as the process continues. Experience is more like being in the dark then all of the sudden seeing an amazing full moon but then it goes away and you're just wondering what the fuck happened totally clueless...So you go surfing again and attempt to re-prime that experience of the now...

The idea is to transcend that illusionary bubble of the self and exist not just in the moment but as the moment, if that makes any sense..I like that, exist as the moment. I just thought of that...don't be with the moment. no, be the moment. that works for me. maybe it will work for you. I don't know.

I ask him what allowed for him to hear the teachings and not just experience the transcendental but fleeting blissful state. He goes (I'm paraphrasing this), "well I was growing up in the sixties, and well...My friends and I...We were smoking a lot of grass...and taking other things...taking hallucinogenic drugs such as LSD and things of that nature and my experience with those drugs led me to experience a entirely new reality that revealed this subtle truth to me and regardless of what people told me, I knew, from the experience, that this wasn't just some drug delusion, it was the state of mind, the state of pure openness to the world and oneness and there was truth present in that which convinced me there was more to life than the 5 senses...and I was always a inquisitive kid, when I was younger I remember looking up at the L.A. sky going "what is this, what is that?" so my drug experience opened the door. However, taking those things are hard on you. I always felt like after words I had to re-program my identity and sense of self, they take a lot out of you..."

I then ask him if he's ever met any enlightened beings and if you can tell and if they have any effect on you and he nodded his head while widening his eyes as if saying, "yeah, you have no idea..."

He told me when he was in his mid-twenties he met this guy in Paris after saying to a friend, "I need to meet someone who is enlightened, just to know its real, I need to meet someone..." His friend told him there just so happens to be an enlightened master giving a talk in the area. So they go, he sees this tiny old man and isn't impressed at all. He's just like whatever. So they go up and meet him privately after somehow and he's still like...whatever, its just some guy...but then when he gets closer he realizes this guy's mind is the whole room and everything else and the guy looks into him deeper than anyone ever has or ever could and his jaw just drops and it was as if his head and chest were ripped open, exposed to the entire universe which was right in front of him and always had been. He conveyed this to me by taking his hands and clasping them together in front of his face and then quickly pulling them apart while he had his eyes wide and jaw open..He said, "it was like overwhelming, but you know, you asked for it, so here you go...after that I couldn't just go back to living an ordinary life with all the contradictions, hypocrisy and knowing what I had seen."

I asked him, "so when did you become a monk"

"Oh, I'm not a monk! I got hair! I'm a Yogi. I don't take any vows and I'm not a part of any "sect". I technically can drink alcohol and do anything I so chose to if it is beneficial to my practice." He says.

"Do you drink alcohol?" I ask with a little recoil.

"I could. But I don't. I don't really like the effects of alcohol. The effects on the mind are okay but I don't like what it does to the body." He says with a pondering look.

He tells me his philosophy is that its better to go through everything he pushes his hand forward like a waving snake...Rather, than deny it, because then otherwise you haven't experienced anything in the world and despite your renunciation, you are still craving, because you are curious as to what that experience of something such as chocolate would be like. Its better to experience it all and see the futility of it. However, he says, its dangerous for some people because they get caught onto that thing and attached...Thats where wisdom and intellect come in. Its important to know that the true bliss is within you, not in an object or a fix.

I like this, its more my style. The way out is through...Get a taste of everything before you get all conservative & holy...He stresses the importance of compassion as it allows for you to dissolve the illusionary boundary between the self and other...I ask if theres a secret to all of this...being enlightened and such...and to my surprise he actually tells me there is one...

He says its an old one but it works--pray. He said all the enlightened Buddhas are omniscient and as many atoms there are in space there are as many Buddhas...He said you don't need to go far to pray because the buddha's are right here. They also know you better than you know yourself since Buddha nature is your true nature and you haven't realized it. There is no "I"...

I asked him what I should pray for. He told me, "Pray that "I" will get everything I need right now, pray that I will get everything that I need right now in this moment in order to get where I need to be, thats what I did when I was confused and I didn't even know who I was praying to haha"

I tell him the serenity prayer. To my surprise he had never heard it. He liked it, who doesn't?

We talked a lot more. He told me, don't feel uncomfortable talking to me. To me, this is the most important thing in the world, talking about this stuff. He looked at me, leaning over closely and says, "I hate when people talk to me about stupid things that aren't important" so this is good that we're talking. I told him I was afraid to come over and talk to him because he looked like he had a real strong presence and stood out for obvious reasons and he goes, "oh no, don't, I would be afraid to approach some guy who looks crazy like me haha"

He tells me had that experience of being with an enlightened master and catching a glimpse of the timeless eternity of the inner cosmos (or whatever) multiple times and the more it happens the more you come to understand. He says many people, who are fully realized, have this ability...But it was interesting because he said his friend in Paris didn't get the same experience at all, in fact, he just saw a little old man. I asked him why and he quickly said, "I wonder the exact same thing." I suppose you need to be searching for it in the right place and time and just be "open"...Thats my personal conclusion as of now..

The mind is the like the sky, he tells me, and thoughts and everything that covers that pure naked awareness of the sky are like clouds and we label those clouds good and bad and such and chase them around but they never last and the sky remains unchanged...I liked that...The Dalai Lama he said is also up there without any question. He said, the Dalai Lama is one of those people who can see your past and future which is why he can help you in the moment...Most people just don't realize this about these people because the masters can hide it and so many people are caught in their own egos, their own separate mind bubble that they miss the truth that sits in front of them in plain sight, he tells me in slightly different words.

He tells me I'm in the right place and I go, "yeah, literally, haha" as I look around at the tree and temple. He agrees and smiles. He smiled a lot.

We talked for an hour and 10-15 minutes. I asked him where we're heading as a species. He said, "well, its not looking good but we'll talk about that another time, this is endless" and so we stop talking and I ask him if I can just sit and be with him for a while and he says, "sure!" I thank him telling him this meant the world to me that he would sit and chat and he gently shakes my hand. He tells me to come back tomorrow and we'll talk some more. We sit and meditate for a good twenty, twenty five minutes. Various people come up to him. Some talk to him. Some pray to him which I found strange after talking to him. I think they pray to him more on his appearance. He looks like he's the one or something, he has a lot of presence. The people praying to him were Indian women who I think were from the village or something...they either know something I don't or vice versa... He sits and moves his wooden beads through his hands and just watches as life goes by with a detached mona lisa esque half-smile.

I get up because my ass is killing me from sitting on marble as well as the sides of my feet and walk away while he talks to some woman. I look up and realized I forgot it was a full moon tonight. The temple is lit up every night and they shine these changing multi colored lights on the small temples that surround that large one. Monks everywhere, chanting. Palm trees. The groaning of the tibetan monk coming over the loudspeaker. A full moon.

It is a wild place. I don't think there is any other place in the world that has an atmosphere like this--Varanasi is also some crazy shit. You sit at these places and its various obvious you aren't in the same dimension you're used to...

Yogi Mike told me a lot more stuff than I posted in here obviously...He told me that I should come back in December, a lot of enlightened masters are coming through and I might have a chance to meet one...He said he would hook me up with some names of people in Nepal as well....Ah, this is why I came here....

This has been a very interesting day on a very deep level. We get closer to something. Although, if you've ever heard of Xeno's paradox you know I'm already there...we're already there...Just realize it..okay?

"We were talking-about the space between us all
And the people-who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth-then it's far too late-when they pass away.
We were talking-about the love we all could share-when we find it
To try our best to hold it there-with our love
With our love-we could save the world-if they only knew.
Try to realize it's all within yourself
No-one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small,
And life flows ON within you and without you.
We were talking-about the love that's gone so cold and the people,
Who gain the world and lose their soul-
They don't know-they can't see-are you one of them?
When you've seen beyond yourself-then you may find, peace of mind,
Is waiting there-
And the time will come when you see
we're all one, and life flows on within you and without you."

- Within You and Without You by The Beatles